Who am I?

What a question. . . if anyone should be able to answer it should be me. . . yet it is the hardest question i've ever run up against. I can't research it. . . no one can answer it for me. . .

a few things come to mind. . .
the last faith passage retreat (spring)
we were asked a couple questions one at a time
1. who are you?
2. who are you to others
3 who are you to God?
( i think. . . that was the idea anyway)
interesting to wait between questions, one the last question is asked it is easy to realize that that should be the untimate answer anyway.

Anger Management
when Adam Sandler is in his first counseling session they ask him to tell them who he is, first he responds with well i am an assistant. . . and they say no, not what you do, who you are. So he begins to list things he likes to do. . . not your hobbies who you are. Then he says things like i am generally a good guy. . . not your personality, WHO YOU ARE. (then of course he blows up and yells I don't know what you want!)

my first speech in my speech class (this year)
it was suppose to be a speech about us. Hardest topic in the world . . . what to say about yourself? I ended up talking about how my backgroud, faith, and my service to humanity shapes the person that I am. . .

truth is, i don't know who i am. . .
the other thing i think about is a counselor i went to once who was terrible said one thing that stuck with me. . . a parent is a mirror to their child. Everything the parent says about that child the child believes. That's how they see themselves as whatever the parent says. . .

so tonight in line for dinner we found ourselves talking about how some of us are obsessed with things. . . Rhianon with the internet. . . Danielle with homework. . . Felicia with something (maybe squirrels) so me. . . they had to think abit but came up with that i am obsessed with helping others. . .

anyway, in the past few months people have really been challenging the fact that i don't like compliments. Some this summer, especially Kevin, yet others too. Elise calls me Mya, as in Mya Angelo, because of the way i write, and Jen went off on me the other night (not in a bad way, more like in a way i probably needed to hear) basically about how i always am so negative about myself. Now, one thing i can say is that when asked last spring an a scale from one to ten how i felt about myself i said a 2. No doubt. On a scale from one to ten about how i felt in general every day was about a 2, sometimes less. . . However, now my days are generally between 6 and 9. average 7.5, not bad. Now how i look at myself, would range from a 4 to a 6, better than a two. Yet who am i? I don't know. . . not who i am to some people, but who i am?

I am a beloved child of God.
I am a part of God's family, a sister of believers. . .
I am loved. . .
I am Erin. . .
I love to discuss theology, philosophy, really anything. . .
I like to swim
I love to work with children
I hate my body. . . yet trying to accept myself as God made me. people tell me i am beautiful. . . i try to tell myself this daily. . . sometimes i feel better, most times though. . .
I get very frustrated with my failures yet i am human and everyone of us have failings. Not to excuse mine or vailidate them, but to give myself a little slack. I have proved to be a good lier, manipulator, and workaholic. These are things i need to make note of but not kill myself over. Things that do frustrate me though are when i allow these little things to cause so much bigger problems. To let my parents failures have a hand in my distroying myself. . . to get depressed, suicidal, bulimic, and cut myself. . . people call me strong, yet i consiously did these things. I used to wonder why God placed my in the situation i was, however he has opened a small window of understanding into that question. The last thing i have been struggling with lately (the past couple years) is belonging. I don't fit in most places and I'm not normal. I hate sticking out somedays. I am asked quite often if i am a junior, nope a freshman.
I have a purpose, something to do for God. . .

so i guess that's the best idea of myself i have =)
me, myself and I ~Erin