Compromises

So been doing alot of thinking lately. Meeting alot of ppl, searching for any other liberal christians, trying to settle in. It has only been three weeks however I do not feel as if I belong here. So. . . i have always talked of transferring. Getting a year away from my parents, working out an easier break away however when to go is a big question. I know right now i should focus on school work and what to do while i am here at La Crosse. Yet, i do want to be an RA. Though where? I can be fine here, learn alot and get my gen ed's done and be finacially in better shape. Having two kids in college is really been hard on my family and going toa state school would really help them out. Yet, i'm not happy here and am trying to stay positive and optimistic however I don't fit in here. I will end up doing music seriously, and there is no religious studies program. So do I compromise what i want and my happiness for two years?

I try to not think about this too much, however i can't always ignore the fact i don't fit in. I've been to extremes. Mayville, i can count the good friends i had on one hand and then there were all the akward moments. Then there was Garrett, 3 unbelieveable weeks where i meet friends i will have for life. Then camp. Again amazing where i meet friends that i will have for life, the kind of ppl who honestly care and you just don't get it. If i were them i would have left me along time ago. So i really don't want to judge La Crosse so soon, however I hate those akward moments where you just know you don't fit in. So the question i am left with is do i seek a campus where i fit in or do i compromise and stay here because it is the best for finacial reasons. Yet if i begin to compromise again where will i begin to stand up for myself? I always say seminary. Yet I also said it would all be better just once i got out of the house. Yes it's better, but the bruises are still there, the scars are still there, and i haven't really done alot about it.

So what now? What am i going to do about all the things i think about? How am i going to make a difference in my own life? Well, i'm going to keep getting into the Bible, everyday. I'm going to make goals for myself not only in school, but in getting sleep and eating properly. I'm going to relax and listen for the voice of God. I'm going to make the best of the place I am in and find what God has in store for me here. I'm going to smile and find the good things in life, like rubber duckies and bubble baths, cuddling in blankets with my Prince Barkley the bear. I'm not going to worry so much about the little things and allow God more control in my life. Sigh, working on it anyway.