Onion

Today I'm in one of my thinking moods again. Not sure that I can intelligently put the thoughts in my head onto a page, but hey, i may as well try. This summer i made a deal with God that i would be honest to people and seek supportive friends at camp knowing full well i would not have time to go to Westfield to see a counselor. So i was a million times more open than i had ever been in my life and the respone i got back was heart warming. A few ppl even heard a huge part of me. Not lying about things yet doing my job with the kids was interesting. Most everyone on staff knew something was bothering me, which i didn't mind, it was interesting to watch who talked to me and the questions they asked. It was absolutely wonderful to have them know sometime was up so they made a special effort to simply care, to watch, to tell me to get out of there and take a break, to hug me and hold me close and to wait. To wait for me to be ready and then to listen and still hold me close and just care.

When people first start to ask questions about me i quote shrek. I am like an onion. "Ogres are like onions, they have layers." Not nice parfit layers, smelly, hard, and layers that when shed make ppl cry. I will keep the shell on around people, it's safer for them and me. Though some who hang out with me long enough see through alittle. Being so honest this summer. . . makes it a bit harder to go back. I can't go around lying for my sanity however i can't go about allowing people to see how much everything hurts. So many things are interrelated and remind me of things from day to day.

iam per iunctura of amicitia proventus , meus officium , quod mihi ego sum vix. Vix pro suus , sollicitus ego ero iens ut suus funeral , infirmus of fletus , quod plene infirmo. Is eram volo futurus a fabulous nox noctis Jane Elliot , suus phone dico , quod peractio meus history paper. Iam ego can't focus in ullus opus quod sum funditus ex meus mens nervous. Precor est totus ego can operor iam. carus senior commodo