Another Chapter. . .

So life is full of stages, chapters if you will. Childhood has many of these chapters. . . as we are growing and going through stages the progress is remarkable. there is an infant stage where we are helpless, completely dependant on those around us to care for us, fragile. then we get bigger and tougher entering into a stage of typically couriosity, questioning everything and learning the hard way sometimes. Soon we reach an age where we begin to take responsibility for most of our actions and can determine from right and wrong. We soon grow out from under our parents and long join the next stage of life, young adulthood. yet each one of these chapters change at different times for each of us and all of our chapters have mini sections of difficult and happy times.

this summer was a new chapter of my life. not living at home and living in an area surround by ppl who loved me for me, not because of what i did or any other reason but that i am a child of God and that alone deserves love and caring for. Sure soon we grew on each other, but the love was there from the start and it was a beautiful change of lifestyle. Going home is hard because the love and support isn't there. Which is hard enough to admit, but it is so cold and hard and demanding. There are no late night conversations about life or any for that matter, more well you need to keep an open mind and teach for a year. They don't listen! and the yelling, nothing is ever good enough. I can't get my act together, my schedule doesn't matter because it is all for the benifit of the family. My life and ideas don't matter because i haven't done the ironing or dishes. I am a woman and should learn my place in a healthy godly family i'm told. I cry because they really mean well but are so discouraging. Being submissive is not something i think i can do. I need to be in relationships with people who treat me as an equal, not as someone to care for like a child unable to care for themselves. Such a fine line. Not make decisions for me in my best interest but makes decisions with me.

anyhow, college is another chapter. It is one with far more decisions that need to be made by me yet others want to make them. I have to live with my life, yet i also have to interact with my family. This situation breaks my heart. They aren't helping me grow into the person god wants me to be so therefore they are hurting me. This alone is sad. I can't just leave them but i have to get out of their control. College can be the place for that. The girls are wonderful here. I am in a non substance dorm here in a state school. Lots of ppl diverse yes, but still wisconsin. Lots of positive things yet there are always issues. I'm excited to meet ppl in my majors and more in my interests. Liberal would be nice (both of my roomates are kinda consevative, politics not so great discussions) Issues need to be discussed not ppl. It streatches your mind. these are wonderful ppl who deserve to be heard too. So in general, life is good here. This chapter has started on a happy note. I miss my friends, but they are all online so availble Will write more soon as i become enilightened. Lots of love and gods blessing to anyone who found this. . . ~Erin