Are cycles preventable?

A few months ago i probably would have written this in latin for whatever says. I am going to apologize right now because i know other people besides me read this, but i have promised myself this is one place i am going to bluntly honest about my life. For my sake, and i know most of you will understand that. however if you want to leave a comment really, i understand whatever it's not a big deal but i like to know that you read it and maybe felt something. Okay that's my blurb to othersback to writing for me.

Today, what a day, maybe a day to remember like march 17th, or july 3rd, or january 16th, or maybe it'll blur into history. Only i really get to decided that. September 14th. So, my roomates like to go to bed early and get up early, it's fine, i just stay up later and sleep later, i am flexible i worry more about them being okay with me. I haven't been sleeping well, insomnia, hasn't been this bad since my junior year when they were really fighting and i was throwing up. i wake up at least 4 or 5 times and am lucky if i get to sleep by 12. so by 7 or 8 i do want to sleep, but have to get up, naps would be nice, but i need my practice time. they also do the typical girl stuff like hair and makeup for an hour and watch the news, i try to sleep, it kinda works out. i get up, shower, put on jeans (or a skirt) and a t-shirt and go. theory is sooo easy, but alot of my new friends are struggling, and i'm the only one who answers questions. i feel stupid sometimes, it is a theme in many of my classes that i care and understand the topic. history, philosophy is the best, theory, speech. whatever, but it is frustrating, i still long for intellectual conversation that challenges me. okay, so blunt, but started my period this morning, so made sure i grabbed ibeprophen (however that is spelled) but was doing fine. took the bus to the bank over lunch to get money! just grabbed a sack lunch and it was a little adventure. though i was definately feeling it then, i tried to walk it off and study, but oh my goodness it hurt like hell. i could hardly make my way inside (definatly didn't want to walk across campus to my dorm) so tried to crash in a practice room, but i was on the floor and it hurt so bad. i had already taken 2 ib. wasn't helping. i couldn't help it, it hurt and it couldn't do anything, so i made my way to the bathroom, i thought i might make it. but oh hurt is not even the word, excruciating pain doesn't even begin to describe it.

so it did it. i helped it. it's been over a year since my finger has been there but it felt like yesterday. i knew what i was doing. 3 more ib and soon i did feel better, but. . .

do i count that? it hurt oh so much pain, seriously. all i did was help it not cause it? so many thought and memories though. i cried, stupid tears i hate them. it's been awhile since i've cried, almost since camp, home was just angry. does this really tell me i need to seriously deal, that no it's not over? that i don't have control over it, not even the behavior part or does it just tell me that i was sick and it happens to be an unfortunate coincidence??
i went to band, that was fine, choir was good too. singing alto now, wierd, haven't done that in years. low a's are not my forte. hardly ate, some soup and crackers, sprite. then speech. we had a fire alarm go off so we did class outside for almost an hour but then she gave up so dismissed us. boys in my class though, grow up please. terrible sometimes. but that's my generation, it just sucks that i really don't relate sometimesi feel as if i am an outcast. idk. we'll see how the rest of the day falls out and hope my cramps get better or i just take more drugs sooner. hanging onto hope in the only place i can, above.
confused~erin