Torn

First of all, i love camp. More or less i love being completely surrounded in a christian atmosphere of encouragement versus competition, not being put down, and being able to be honest. I have old friends and new and it is all wonderful, not to mention the undescribable beauty. And i dread the long trips home for one reason only. My home. I love my sister and i want to be here for her, but otherwise. . . i hate it here. The judgments, the lies, the arguments, the gulit. It is hard to be home, except for a few friends. I miss Kelly terribly, someone who doesn't mind my silence, who is always there, who notices. And Emily. I miss Em, for the way she sees through my lies and my comments, always thinking deeper to where i am. I want to wrap them up and take them with me. I want to be here for them, the way they are for me, enjoy the summer together. Stay up late under the stars, laugh, talk, or not talk, just be there and i can't. Not as much as i want to. But i need to be away. I am torn between my desire to be with my friends and my need to be away from home. I will stay here, i will be online as much as i can, giving updates. Camp is outside and beautiful, and I am growing. I am becoming alright with myself in some instinces. It will all be okay. Be back soon,
~Erin