uno mas

Wow, one more day of high school. I don't want to rememeber this week. It has been super stressful and i haven't gotten all of the things done i need to have done. I just finished some papers, have a half done espanol project on my bed, a quilt lying at the sewing machine, and i am falling over tired. Besides the chem final which i hardly studied for and really need to study more. I haven't got my theory done and won't see some seniors again anyhow. . . i need to collapse. Maybe i've been crabby lately, idk, dad's been a jerk. Today we were discussing some upcoming leaders and i said about a particular person, i wouldn't put her in a leadership position yet, i still have personality confilicts with her, meaning she still hasn't quite figured out how to work well with ppl let alone lead however he turned and looked at me and said, "you have personality conflicts with an awful lot of people, do you know that?" really snotty. i wanted to slap him. i work my butt off to work with every kid in our program, give lessons, help them out, i get along with everyone. . . except one person as of late. . . yet urg that person. i've really been trying hard to eat, which has been super hard, food is not that appealing. though we had tons of stuff in spanish today and i ate way way too much and oh did my stomach hurt. . . i hate this, i want it to go away. The constant feelings. I want to be honest, i don't want to live my life a lie and have to act out who i am to people, but in Mayville what can i do? i don't know that a heck of alot of people appreciate what i do for them anyway. I can't wait until summer, but i am going to miss people, some people very much. Oh, and i have to get my college stuff in line. . . arg. . . too much. Not like i haven't been told this. Dad is just really getting on me lately, and mom, then they fight, oh, i can't handle all this. Then on top of it today i went to get sporty's stuff, i was just going to drive past, but when else would i have time. I cried, oh so hard, especially unpacking it into the barn. boy do i miss him. last monday i was a conselor. hated it. Hated it. Maybe it was the way it started, maybe just the way she spoke to me, but oh did i hate it. the best thing about it was i had 1 hour to be blately honest and it didn't matter. Though looking at amy while i was talking was hard. I feel bad for the pain i seem to put ppl in when i talk about myself and my life. But comparitivley i feel selfish because my issues are really not that bad. i have a house, clothes, food, everything i need. I guess i'm going keep trying. i really don't want to cut anymore, but it does feel really good, and some day i honestly do want to, just sometimes i don't want the scars. Most of them are almost gone. . . most. . . one more day, uno mas hoy. . .