Baby Steps are still steps forward

Oye. What a week. To be blunt, monday i wanted to cut my whole arm off and today i was about ready to force all my organs up through my throat for fun. Tuesday was good, we laughed we goofed around and it was a good time. But as much as these thoughts invaded my head all day i didn't do it. Day by day, step by step, battle by battle. I don't know if i'll make it all week, but all i'm concerned about it today really. And didn't deal with it the best. Still have some old bad habits, in short, bad day =binge. Wow at lunch i ate a sandwich, a bag of chips, had a whole bottle of water and i bought a brownie the size of a CD case. When isat down i didn't realize i ate the whole thing. Lunch is the worst. On bad days chocolate helps, but oh today after lunch. . . i don't know if anyone notices but it was all i could do to stay downstairs in the lunchroom. I tried to say something, but i suck at that, i did give in and leave early but then the bell rang as i was halfway up the stairs so that screwed up my plan. Today will be 311. Wholy cow. So why so horrible of a day? Well, first i am behind in my classes and too lazy to really get caught up, behind in theory, about 4 months behind in my treasurer record on the computer, and i lost the sacred concert CD (which thank God Matt found). So alittle stressed but okay, i didn't read the chapter for modern lit, eh the boys who ran class hadn't really either though. . . So third hour, i'm having fun with my girls choir and Dad comes in extremly upset. Something about me breaking the computer. Where's laura no one knows (she was at the dentist. . . found out later) and he yells at me and yells at Missy helping me correct theory in the office, not enough disipline slacking, crap like that, oye. Go to band upset, and my mouthpiece falls out of my ligature in my hand, $90 mouthpiece shattered on the floor. Thought i was going to cry. We were suppose to have our spanish skits memorized didn't, so finally get to lunch, bad day, and wow did i eat. The afternoon wasn't as bad, and now i have bible study and praise band, but it's been a long horrible day, but i think i'll be okay now. Lunch is always the worst. 12, 12:30, i can be alone and do whatever i want, i can buy whatever i want, and i really don't know if anyone notices. . . Well, on the up side i didn't and that's a step forward, cuz this has been the worst day in weeks for that. Moving forward. Lets see what tomorrow is like. . .