babble

Lots to think about and short time to get it all down. Some times it agrivates me that as I turn 18 my parents decide to try and parent me. But whatever, some things aren't worth the fight. Yesterday was an interesting day. I did sleep in late, then i woke up, ate breakfast, worked on my quilt for awhile. Then we made a plan for the day to take care of stuff outside. We took down the horse pasture fence, and then I cleaned the barn. Kinda glad they let me do it by myself, i bawled almost the whole time. Took me almost 4 hours. I can see him in my head running out into the pasture, or trying to follow me around, scratching his head against me. It's strange to think he'll never do any of that again. Almost cried when we were taking down the fence, but i didn't want them to see it. I am the tough girl, strong inside and out. and i didn't need the attempt to comfort me. Yet the niceness my dad displayed yesterday makes me think he doesn't mean to hurt us the way he does. He is just trying to do what is best for his family and himself according to how he was raised. Can i really blame him for that? Yeah he is way out in left field with things, but . . . . i don't know. I got halfway done with the front for my quilt and it is really going to be cool. Each square reminds me of certain places, people, events, wow it is going to be huge, 13 x 18 squares (each 5 in and 1/2 in inbetween). had a good time with my sister though alone tonight. WE made cookies and all kinds of junk, she had a bad day and now she has a stomache ache. I'm really not sure what kind of a day i had, i tried to force it to be good, however my band director makes me angry. So we don't like each other, i am still her student and i respect her and am very nice, yet she can not seem to do the same to me. I have a ton of work to do and ikes, have not burned the CD's yet!!!!!!!!! Oye, i need next week badly. A break, a time to relax and have fun with a bunch of kids. No parents, no responsibility, well okay to the kids, but that's easy. I still have to get college stuff in order. . . i am so unorganized. Though i did get my new glasses and it is wonderful to see again. Well i am extremly nervous about have to go and talk tomorrow, i haven't done that in weeks except to friends which more or less is yelling at me instead of my just talking (the yelling is much prefered) I am just exhausted and sick of being yelled at, senorits has set in and i'm afraid will be very affective. I am a bit worried that my future plans are not rather focused except to live the next month and get out of this hell, and there are alot of things i hope to do during my life, though i guess i should leave the worring up to God. Well enough babble for one night, and enoughing yelling to get to bed. Goodness. I can take care of myself, well okay maybe not, but i take more care of myself than my parents do and i wish they would just leave me alone instead of trying halfway. Well it's late, i'm going to bed.