Difficult

I don't expect life to be easy, but as soon as i get one small break it all comes flying back at me so fast it's hard to swallow. Today, was just alot. I woke up saying this will be a good day, oye. Though dad must yell and be crabby, just my luck, it's okay it'll be okay i tell myself, just forget it. I silently make coffee and go to class. Class is okay, actually my teachers were more supportive of our camp trip and everything was going pretty good. I'm alittle worried about our group for lit but groups are always kind of hard to rely on. Then i go up to my treble choir, hoping they will be happy and cheer me up. They are okay, we sang, it was fine. Band, always interesting. As the day goes on it gets worse with some exciting spots in bwt. We did the funniest spanish skit arguing over bands. I was excited to go to lunch but that didn't happen. Got yelled at more for who knows what, then went to the simulation. Was pretty good, just hanging w/friends was good. Then had to come back, get yelled at more, then chose to sing with the man, oye. Though state is this weekend and i suck. Nothing i did was good i guess accept that stupid duet that jen hates and can't make her phrases. It's just a venting day. We had a great discussion in bible study, but i hate being the only one who cares, i hate it. Sometimes i wonder if i try to hard, or if i'm too. . . too something. Too passionate, too smart, too moral, too helpful? I hate being so different, i simply feel alone. When i open my mouth i get myself in some sort of trouble. I don't know where to go from here, be myself? Just do it? Or just shut up and be quiet? Will i face this problem for the rest of my life? I don't need life to be easy, but does it have to be this difficult all the time? how do i get myself in such positions, today is 298, still counting? yes. As i walk up the long staircase from my cafeteria i just want to go throw up. Who would know? I find a tear rolling down my cheek. What they heck, i hate this. I'm too emotional and to sensitive. I tell myself to get over it, but i can't. Bad day and i want to go home, binge and throw it up. These thoughts torment me, eat me alive. Then there is the yelling, which makes me want to burst open from rage. Just brake my skin and let myself come roaring out. This is not normal, this sucks. This crap will cause me problems the rest of my life. And whos fault is that? That question will also haunt me for a long time.